Okay so I don’t know if people will be a bit shocked or not by this but as suicide is a serious problem, and one that people feel reluctant to talk about, I just wanted to put up a post to ask you to read up on it for yourselves. Today is the first anniversary of my mam’s suicide and I’ve been thinking of how to mark it and decided that raising awareness of suicide is one way of marking it. I was chatting with a friend recently and she was asking how my parents were, even though I’ve known this person for years she wasn’t aware of that my mother, Elizabeth, had commit suicide last year. I was so all over the place last year though that I just assumed she knew. Poor girl was so shocked and she felt arkward because she just did not know what to say. There’s no one thing that someone can say about it but its nice that people think of the person with fond memories. I love hearing memories of my mother. I love to know that she’s still well thought of. My memories of last year are still muddled. It was the most surreal experience of my life but I do remember the kindness of everyone who came. Friends, relations and neighbours, old and new, were at the door at all hours offering support, a chat, a story, food and drink. The thing is that no matter if you are closely related to a person that commits suicide, you’re close friends with them or mere aquaintances, the grief and lack of understanding of why they couldn’t go on and why they couldn’t cope is near to all who knew the person in question. My advise is if anyone ever says something along the lines of “I don’t want to go on”, “When I’m old and useless just get rid of me” or “Do you think suicide is wrong?”, don’t ever pussy foot around it. Ask them why they’re thinking about it. Encourage them to get help and get help yourself if you’re feeling that way. If it does happen though just remember that you are not responsible. We can’t carry other people’s worries or make them better just because we want to, we believe in them and love them. The best advise I can give for dealing with the grief of a loss by suicide is not to expect too much of yourself. The grief can hit you straight away or years later, but don’t try put it off. Any emotions that you feel surrounding suicide are valid, the loss is real so just take care of yourself. I’m lucky enough to have an unflinching support of family and friends, not gonna name names but I can never thank you all enough for what you’ve done for me and mean to me. The girls were even good enough to bring me out for pizza and wine last night. Is there any better support? I think not. I’ll never understand why my mam chose to end her own life, even with knowing how she suffered. I could never have imagined her committing suicide before, no matter how low she got, but I wish her more happiness where she is now though I miss her more than anything. Anyway, so do me a favour and read up on the problem on the sites below and encourage your family and friends to read it too because the more open people are about it then, hopefully, the more likely it will be that suicides will decrease. My family’s having a memorial mass for my mam tomorrow, Friday 16th June, at the parentals house in Kilnamanagh, starting at 20:00, all are welcome.
Below are some links to some helpful sites. Please have a quick browse and if you ever want to ask me anything then e-mail or ring me. Help is always there.
Console, an Irish based agency that has a lot of information about suicide prevention as well as dealing with loss by suicide. I went to these guys for a bit, as did other people I know, and they were extremely helpful.
Oasis Irish government based page on suicide counselling with lots of links.
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